by: Matt Muse - Guest Columnist
January 12, 2008
CINCINNATI - Today the Muse Party (Mark's Unmitigated Search (for) Ego) announced it's selection of Mark the Muse as it's candidate for President. When asked why MtM was selected, the party chairwomen Ms. Musette stated,
"Mark has spent a lifetime on a never ending search to satisfy his unquenchable ego. Because of his devotion to this single cause, we could not think of a more experienced or deserving candidate."
The Muse Party, new on the political scene, has never endorsed a person for the presidency before Mr. Muse. When asked why he was tapped to be their first presidential candidate Mark replied,
"I think my selfish dedication to ego fulfilment and my never ending attempts to steal the spotlight from others proves I have the experience, grit, and determination to run for the presidency. And geeeze, how would nominating someone else satisfy MY ego. Man, that was a really dumb question."
I asked Mark if he has formed a campaign committee and written any position papers on the top issues of the day.
"A campaign committee? Why would I want to do that? Have a bunch of people distracting me with their thoughts and ideas. I know what I want and I know what needs to be done. This campaign is about ME, not anyone else."
"As to the issues of the day, I will be presenting my thoughts on the economy, abortion, the war in Iraq, illegal immigration, you know stuff like that."
When can we expect to hear from you on these topics?
"Hey man. One thing at a time. I just got this nomination. If I started thinking about all that important stuff, it would kill the moment. Right now I just want to enjoy my 15 minutes of fame and bask in the limelight."
One more question Mr. Muse. Why did you choose the "V" sign for your campaign logo, and what's up with the band-aids?
"You know Matt, your really starting to annoy me. That was two questions you asked. If you weren't my cousin this interview would be over right now."
Mark don't forget, this interview could be read by tens of thousands of readers. Well, maybe ten people.
"Ten thousand people? Wow. I can feel the love already."
The "V" sign stands for two things, "V" for victory, and "V" for peace. I know this is going to be a ruff-and-tumble contest, so the "V" for peace is to remind people to take it easy on me. And the "V" victory, well with my big fat ego, I can't loose."
As to the band-aids, let me put it this way. I was preparing my acceptance speech, and as I so often do, I had my head up my ass. And at the same time my nose started to itch. It was a really ugly scene, although the paramedics got a big kick out of it. Let's just leave it at that."
My interview with Mr. Muse came to an abrupt end when the Seahawks/Packers game started.