GOP Considering Reality TV Series

In an effort to raise additional money the Republican National Committee is considering creating a reality TV show modeled after some of today's biggest TV programs.

Some of the programs under consideration are:

Survivor Straw Poll

The Celebrity Candidate

Tap Dancing with the Facts

America's Next Top Republican

Big Brother Birther

The real Ex-wives of Newt Gingrich

When questioned if reality shows might confuse voters, a GOP spokesman replied "No way. The GOP will never be confused with reality."

Rep. King Investigates Long Island Knitting Club

Representative Peter King's House committee on home grown terrorism will be investigating a Long Island knitting club for making homemade Afghans.

Republicans discuss Larry Craig's Swang

Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell is trying to explain the size of former Senator Larry "Wide Stance" Craig's swang.

What do his fellow GOP Senators think about this.

From left to right:

Senator Jon Kyl - "Mmm, I don't think he was that big."
Senator John Cornyn - "Yea, he was that big."
Senator Mitch McConnell - Showing the length and girth of Larry's swang.
Senator John Ensign - "That taco I had for lunch gave me gas"
Senator John Thune - "Ohhh, that's rotten. Hey Ensign are you farting again?"
Senator Lamar Alexander - "Dear God, please make the moral majority understand that we are desperate."

(A.P. Photo)

Satire: An Interview with Obama's Alter Ego

Have you had too much playing nice? Too much cooperation? Too much bi-partisanship? Read on.Today Barak Obama's alter ego granted me an exclusive interview.

Mr. President Elect, thank you for your time.

"My pleasure, Mark. By the way please call me Hoops."
Hoops, I asked?

"Yes Hoops. Remember you are interviewing my alter ego. I really wanted to be a professional basketball player, but my mother, and grandparents would have none of it. Do you realize how much money I could have made playing pro ball, instead of dicking around with all this political shit?"

Quite a bit I would guess. So Hoops, you display no animosity towards your political adversaries. Why are you so forgiving?

"Forgiving? Are you kidding me."

"I want to screw all those son-of-a-bitches who fucked with me during the campaign."

"Take that Sara Palin bitch. She took pork barrel money when she was mayor, and then had the nerve to call me a socialist. I'll show her socialism. I'll get that bridge to nowhere funded, and shove it right up her fat hockey mom's ass."

"Then there's Old Man McCain. The GOP is already pissed at him for losing the election and ruining the Republican party. I'm gonna sucker him supporting my immigration plan, and then have my peeps pull back, and leave that senile old fart twisting in the wind."

"Biden, Joe Biden. That SOB almost cost me the election. What a mouth. That bastard just won't shut up. But I have a plan to take care of him. I'm putting him in charge of closing GITMO, and when the last detainee has been removed, I'm gonna have him and his big mouth locked-up in one of those cells. Let's see if anyone is can hear him blabber from Cuba."

"Man I'm gonna get everybody. That fucking good for nothing Liberman. I'm gonna get him good. I already got him kissing my black ass for supporting him with the Democratic Caucus in the Senate, and that's just the beginning. If I was Bi I'd have him on his knees every day of the week. His joules would be so sore, he'd never be able to speak another word."

"Hey, I've already started. Already got Hillary. Secretary of State my ass. I'm gonna foreign policy her pant suit butt to every piss-ant third world country on the map. The biggest plane she is ever gonna see is a single engine Cessna. She is gonna be so lost for so long, Chelsea will be President by the time she gets back to America."

"Mark, thanks for the interview and letting me rant, but I have to go make another cabinet appointment."

Washington Gridlock

I must say it's rather frustrating to see nothing getting done in Washington. It seems that the only thing the democrats and republicans can agree on (and are both correct about) is that the other side of the isle is playing politics with the issues.

It is also frustrating to see the leaders in Bagdad not utilizing this "window of opportunity" our brave military is giving them to reach reconciliation within their government, but being new to democracy maybe they don't know how.

My solution to all this frustration is.......when congress is coming back from yet another break......don't stop in D.C...... fly straight to Bagdad and help the Iraqi's form their government. At least then we will know why nothing is getting done in Bagdad.

Besides if grown men are going to act like little kids, they should be playing in a bigger sandbox.

(Originally posted @Politico.com November 20, 2007)

Dorgan gives Favre like performance

Today Senator Byron Dorgan zipped thru Senate business in only 28 seconds. This performance beat the previous 2007 Senate record of 30 seconds set by Senator Jim Webb only last Friday. An observer said it was truly amazing to watch Senator Dorgan, a senate veteran of 15 years, outperform his younger counterpart Senator Webb, a Senate rookie.

"It was almost like watching Brent Farve dueling Tony Romo", someone was overheard saying, "with the skillful vet showing the young gun he is still on top of his game."

When asked if this record will stand, an insider said he believes the record will not hold up. I know the Democrats are reviewing the tapes of the Webb / Dorgan performances and believe there is still a couple of seconds, in both speaking speed and gavel speed, available to them.

The next attempt for the record will be Tuesday November 27 at 9am.

Don't blink or you might miss it.


(originally posted @ Politico.com Friday November 23, 2007)

GOP Presidential Gameplan - 2008

My proposed strategy for a republican victory in 2008:

The republicans must insure that Hillary is the democratic candidate in 2008 because she is the only democratic candidate they know they can beat.

Make sure every republican candidate keeps talking up Hillary as the democratic nominee. This will get the democrats to vote for her (because if the republicans hate her so much she must be good) and rally the republicans against her (because she is just so bad).

Have someone, anyone, plant little unconfirmable stories to get the democrats start questioning her trustworthiness and sleaziness.

The goal is to have her win the primary, but not by much.

In July there can be no more troop drawdown in Iraq. (for a yet unknown reason, but as sure as the sun rises, Bush and Chaney will invent one) Right before the democratic convention, say early-mid August have DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff ratchet-up the National Threat advisory to Orange because of "classified intelligence" which he can't discuss because of national security.

This insures Hillary leaves the democratic convention in a weak personal position (from the primary) and the democrats in a bad national security position having to promise to end the war, with all this pending doom and gloom getting ready to destroy us.

A week later the republicans elect someone (it really doesn't matter) and leave their convention beating back the terrorists with one hand and pointing at a bad weak Hillary with the other. "I am the only candidate that can keep America safe" will proclaim the republican nominee.

Now for the coup-de-gras....about 3 week before the election, say mid-October, George W. Bush takes one for the team and personally thanks Hillary for voting and supporting him on the Iraq war, noting how he couldn't have managed to successfully wage the war without her strong support. (waiving her Senate voting record for all to see)

On November 4 with democrats feeling mislead, lied to, and abandoned they fail to turn out the vote, and with a strong republican turnout against Hillary, the republicans win the election.

Remember boys and girls, you heard it here first.

(Originally Posted @ Politico.com November 21, 2007)