Saturday, December 6, 2008

Satire: An Interview with Obama's Alter Ego

Have you had too much playing nice? Too much cooperation? Too much bi-partisanship? Read on.Today Barak Obama's alter ego granted me an exclusive interview.

Mr. President Elect, thank you for your time.

"My pleasure, Mark. By the way please call me Hoops."
Hoops, I asked?

"Yes Hoops. Remember you are interviewing my alter ego. I really wanted to be a professional basketball player, but my mother, and grandparents would have none of it. Do you realize how much money I could have made playing pro ball, instead of dicking around with all this political shit?"

Quite a bit I would guess. So Hoops, you display no animosity towards your political adversaries. Why are you so forgiving?

"Forgiving? Are you kidding me."

"I want to screw all those son-of-a-bitches who fucked with me during the campaign."

"Take that Sara Palin bitch. She took pork barrel money when she was mayor, and then had the nerve to call me a socialist. I'll show her socialism. I'll get that bridge to nowhere funded, and shove it right up her fat hockey mom's ass."

"Then there's Old Man McCain. The GOP is already pissed at him for losing the election and ruining the Republican party. I'm gonna sucker him supporting my immigration plan, and then have my peeps pull back, and leave that senile old fart twisting in the wind."

"Biden, Joe Biden. That SOB almost cost me the election. What a mouth. That bastard just won't shut up. But I have a plan to take care of him. I'm putting him in charge of closing GITMO, and when the last detainee has been removed, I'm gonna have him and his big mouth locked-up in one of those cells. Let's see if anyone is can hear him blabber from Cuba."

"Man I'm gonna get everybody. That fucking good for nothing Liberman. I'm gonna get him good. I already got him kissing my black ass for supporting him with the Democratic Caucus in the Senate, and that's just the beginning. If I was Bi I'd have him on his knees every day of the week. His joules would be so sore, he'd never be able to speak another word."

"Hey, I've already started. Already got Hillary. Secretary of State my ass. I'm gonna foreign policy her pant suit butt to every piss-ant third world country on the map. The biggest plane she is ever gonna see is a single engine Cessna. She is gonna be so lost for so long, Chelsea will be President by the time she gets back to America."

"Mark, thanks for the interview and letting me rant, but I have to go make another cabinet appointment."

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